Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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