I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
