Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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