It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize