just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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