Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
