Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
