pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
