When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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