I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
