so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to have your abortion
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
