i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
