All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
