people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
