dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
