i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
