Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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