well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
