that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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