I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
