Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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