just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
