You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
