Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
