Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
