My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
