Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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