she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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