Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
4 words: hood of his car
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
