Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
