fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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