so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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