I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
