Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
