made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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