She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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