Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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