You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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