it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
