The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
