I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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