do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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