Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
