One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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