Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have demons in me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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