Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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