Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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