stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
