It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
