At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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