yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
