You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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