The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
