All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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