Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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