btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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