oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
