Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
