Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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