Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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