out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
