I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well you can't waste a boner
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
