I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
