i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
